Your Family Constitution: A Modern Approach to Family Values and Household Structure by Scott Gale

Author:Scott Gale
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: Spectrum International Press
Published: 2009-04-30T16:00:00+00:00

Tales from the Gales

Experience During our first decade as parents, Karen and I never discussed our respective visions for raising our family. We communicated well enough to work through philosophical differences, but we never had a plan.

As Jack and Max got older and the issues became more complicated, our respective parenting efforts began to slowly disconnect. Karen and I sent mixed messages to the kids. Frustration mounted on all sides. We needed a cohesive vision and a united front. Our Family Constitution represented that opportunity.

I started this step by crystallizing my own vision. I identified distinct traits that I would like to see in Jack and Max when they eventually transition into adulthood. I talked to friends with older kids to gain ideas and perspective. I peered into the future to understand what Karen and I could do today to prevent problems with our kids tomorrow.

With my half of the vision intact, I sought to involve Karen. I explained the nature of the plan I hoped to create together. Then I asked her to explore her own core values and aspirations for the family.

A few days later, Karen and I had the conversation we should have made time for years ago. We shared our fundamental parenting objectives. We talked at length about our views on role modeling, encouragement and discipline. We compared our definitions of parenting success. We put together a clear vision for our family that we could both support.

Results The characteristics that topped my list were: independence, self-reliance, integrity, responsibility and happiness. Beyond that, I wanted Jack and Max to enjoy life to its fullest and truly appreciate the opportunities it offers. I hoped my boys would be capable of finding love and would have the integral tools to make it last.

Karen put “trust” at the center of her vision. She explained “Jack and Max need to know they can come to us with problems…that we can help them

find good solutions.” Health, happiness and kindness rounded out her list of desired traits.

Through open discussion, Karen and I came to better understand each other’s parental philosophy. We identified our family strengths, as well as those areas we needed to improve. We kept talking until we had bridged our gaps and clarified our mutual ideals.

Our coordinated vision ultimately boiled down to the following: Important traits

Lessons to teach:

Habits to develop and support

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